Monday, June 7, 2004   -   I have returned from a rather unusual (or perhaps usual for me) trip to Scottsdale for the funeral of Abe Chelette. I can tell you this - the things that happen to me sometimes could only happen to me!

Just before 8 AM on Saturday, I departed Tucson for the funeral in Scottsdale, expecting to arrive a bit ahead of 10 AM, which was to the start of the visitation period. I decided to look up the obituary before I left, which is shown near the bottom of the page.

The obituary is just as it was online, I didn't make it that short. Apparently, maybe I'm a dumbshit. Does it or does it not say, "Visitation is one hour prior. Messinger Indian School Mortuary?" Yeah, that's right - it DOES say that!

So I went to Messinger on Indian School and Miller Roads in Scottsdale. I went inside and asked the dipshit standing outside if this service was for Abe Chelette, and he said to go on in. So I did. I sat through about 20 minutes of the service.

A man dressed in some funky black outfit presided over the service and sang in some strange language (perhaps Arabic?). When a brown kid and his equally brown dad came up and tearfully started talking about grandpa this and grandpa that, and mentioning that grandpa came from Syria, I realized that Abe was not brown, not from Syria, and did not have a brown grandkid or an equally brown kid. I was in the wrong place at the right time.

So as not to disrupt the fond memories of this man that was really starting to sound like quite the hero and a really nice guy, I waited for the brown kid and his equally brown father to finish their speech. Luckily, I was sitting in the back row by myself. I quickly shot out of the room and again asked about the service for Abe Chelette. I was told, "Oh, he's not here, he's at the LDS Church in North Scottsdale." It was 10:40, with his service starting at 11 AM.

I drove like there was no tomorrow! I missed Abe's visitation, but got there just in time (right at 11 on the dot) for his funeral service. It was a nice service, but I couldn't help remembering the other man's service. I wish I could have met that other man, he really seemed like a nice guy.

Unlike at the Syrian man's funeral, I saw a few people I knew at Abe's funeral. I saw John Johnson, Tony Smith, Larry McKay, and even Joe Huddleston. There were several people (like his four ex-wives) that were noticeably not present. That's too bad, I would think if they married the guy, they'd at least be there for his funeral. In my opinion, they're all bitches!

I managed to get to be a pallbearer. I got to help load the casket at the Church and unload the casket and place it over the grave at the cemetery. He has a nice plot that is very easy to find at a cemetery at Shea Blvd. and 92 St. in Scottsdale.

Abe Chelette died on Sunday, May 30, 2004, at his 3500 square foot (about twice the size of my new house) cabin in Forest Lakes, AZ. He was at the cabin alone and apparently succumbed to a heart attack while watching TV with his dogs. Neighbors heard the dogs and came to check on Abe. He was dead and according to the neighbors was in peace. Abe was 60 years old at the time of his death. He is survived by his natural parents, the parents that actually raised him, and several brothers and sisters. Oh yeah, and the four ex-wives - bitches!

After all that mess was taken care of, then I get the breaking news from Mike O'Brien that my hero, Ronald Reagan, had also passed. What a shitty weekend. I hope next weekend is better. It should be. I'll be moving into my new house - FINALLY! Take care.

Here's the obituary from The Arizona Republic, 6/5/04

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Abel Bufford Chelette Jr.

Abel Bufford Chelette Jr., 60, Forest Lakes, Arizona, passed away May 30, 2004. Funeral Service on Saturday, June 5, 2004 at 11:00 A.M., at the Church of Jesus Christ of LDS, 9565 E. Larkspur Dr., Scottsdale, AZ 85260. Visitation is one hour prior. Messinger Indian School Mortuary. Published in the Arizona Republic on 6/5/2004.

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