Thursday, July 29, 2004 - This morning Nassau West Sheriff Kelly Bartram was arrested and placed on unpaid administrative leave after an incident involving Xochi Republic President Chris Walsh at the Capitol.

Apparently, the Sheriff and President Walsh had been drinking heavily on Wednesday evening, and Nassau West Benson Ambassador Sara Bartram came to the Capitol to join in the festivities.

According to reports filed by the arresting officer, Walsh had fallen asleep on the floor in the lobby, and the Sheriff and the Ambassador continued to eat, drink, and be merry without him.

Eventually, the Ambassador left the Capitol. Sheriff Bartram later stated, "When she (Ambassador Bartram) left, I was pissed off that he (President Walsh) passed out on us. We were having fun. Then I realized, 'well, I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on.' Unfortunately, my strange sense of humor got the best of me. So, I said aloud, 'piss on him,' and I did."

Sheriff's Department documents indicate that Sheriff Bartram apologized profusely after waking the sleeping Walsh. At first, Walsh didn't see much humor in the event, but then he started laughing about it. He refused to press charges against the Sheriff, who had already been placed under arrest.

President Kelly K. Bartram was alerted to the incident and was disgusted. He said, "I couldn't believe that this type of thing could happen! As it turns out, the Sheriff did do this disgusting act - certainly not the kind of behavior we encourage from our officers."

"And for those that are asking," he continued, "No, the Sheriff did not empty a full bladder on President Walsh. I think he was trying to make a point, that kind of got lost in the translation somewhere between talking and peeing. Were it left to me, the Sheriff would be executed for this terribly embarrassing event," said the President.

Neither the Xochi Republic nor the First Unified Council of Kingdoms had any official comment on the incident.

The Sheriff, who was eventually released late Friday, was fined, given community service duty, and sentenced to one year of probation. Presently, the Sheriff has logged in nine hours of community service working on the Howlin' Cow Saloon's wood floor and painting the ceiling, all for no pay.

Sheriff Bartram was also suspended for thirty days from the Nassau West Sheriff's Department. In the interim, Commander Mike O'Brien will be the acting-Sheriff. At the end of the thirty days, the Department of Justice will decide whether or not to reinstate the Sheriff to his elected post.

Bartram also promised never to urinate on someone again. As for President Walsh, while he has no reservations about moving into the Capitol facility, he is happy to hear that the Sheriff will not be urinating on him or anyone else ever again.

Benson Weather