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Expenditure Audit Pending for President 
Thursday, March 3, 2005 - Tonight, the Nassau West General Accounting Office was thrust into a frenzy after the Capitol mail room delivered notification that the insurance policy for Nassau West One had lapsed.
According to documents received by the Department of Administration, the policy with American Family Insurance expired due to non-payment effective at 12:01 a.m. on March 1, 2005. Administration officials will be in contact with the American Family agent in the morning.
This is the first failure of this type in more than two years. When Nassau West President Kelly K. Bartram was notified of the cancellation he was furious. "I happen to know for a fact that no bill for service has been received here! The last correspondence we received from AmFam was new insurance cards in January," he said.
"I will call our agent, Martin, in the morning and get this mess straightened out. I find it interesting that while we have received no bill, we received a cancellation notice immediately," Bartram continued. "We may have to change agents if this is the way that they plan to do business."
The Department of Administration, however, isn't so optimistic. After approving a large budget for the President's television, and a digital surround sound system, the Department isn't amused about a lapse of this sort.
"Nassau West One apparently has been illegally operated for the past three days!" said a Department spokesperson on the condition of anonymity.
President Bartram asserts that this confusion has been caused by paying the monthly bill several months at a time for about the last year. Records indicate that insurance bill has been paid two to four months at a time in the past year. Bartram says that this habit makes it hard to remember the due date and which month the payment is due.
"We won't be paying multiple months at a time anymore if this is going to be the result," Bartram said. "I remember last time the bill was paid, it was about $379. Do they really want to lose this business?! I think we'll get it all sorted out tomorrow."
The President has been warned that the General Accounting Office is planning to do a full audit of every penny spent from the recent tax refund. There has been some concern that the refund didn't go far enough towards improving the Capitol.
Of the five items that were approved on the budget, three of them were purchased. A Kenmore washer and dryer were purchased from Sears. A TV was purchased from Circuit City. Both stores are in Tucson.
The refrigerator and the document shredder were not purchased. A set of wind chimes was also purchased for the Capitol from Ace Hardware in Benson. The remaining funds were sent off for the monthly house payment and car payment.
This article has been censored by the Nassau West Presidential Security Service. |  |
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© 1989-2010 KKB Enterprises, Ltd.
- No part of this work may be used in whole or in part by any means without the express written consent of Kelly K. Bartram. All rights reserved, damn 'ya!