Thursday, April 7, 2005 - The Department of Administration has released an "official" list of recent happenings in and around Nassau West, which has some rather troublesome items in it.

Within the past two weeks, the Department of the Treasury has spent almost $400 on repairs for Nassau West One, which was nearly disposed of, and nearly $200 for fuel for the same. Nassau West President Kelly K. Bartram had dental work, and prescription medication, which came to just over $200. On Monday (4/4), Zoey Bartram had a vet appointment which cost about $120.

The Department of the Treasury claims to be running heavily "in the red." With fuel prices being what they are, it seems everyone else is enjoying monetary shortcoming, as well. Nassau West Airlines, already downsizing and suspending service, has requested funds for a smaller vehicle to shuttle the President about in.

On Tuesday (4/5) morning, the Nassau West Department of Administration (DOA) announced that the Nassau West fleet would expand to include a smaller, more fuel-efficient vehicle. Currently, the DOA is scheduled to secure the monies for the acquisition tomorrow, and purchase the vehicle this weekend. So, one problem has been at least partially solved.

As for the President's expensive mouth, that problem does not appear to be ending in the near future. President Bartram has another dental appointment set for Tuesday, April 12, at 8:20 AM in Benson. This appointment will address some visible cavities in the front of his mouth. Subsequent appointments are to be scheduled regularly.

Zoey, the Assistant Director of Nassau West Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), spent last Thursday night patrolling the perimeter of the Capitol and Benson Embassy. According to official visitor logs, Zoey left the Capitol's east (rear) entrance at 1:05 AM. The Nassau West Sheriff's Department was summoned to retrieve the ICE officer, but their efforts failed. Zoey was recovered at about 9 AM on Friday while conducting a stakeout operation at the Benson Embassy.

Zoey has another veterinary appointment to determine whether her urinary tract infection is chronic or treatable. The vet suspects that Zoey may have bladder stones, some of which are permanent and have to be surgically removed. The hopes are that she doesn't have any stones, but if she does, it is hoped that they are the type which can be medicated and dissolved.

Urinary tract infections can be quite serious. According to recent news, Roman Catholic Pope John Paul II had a urinary tract infection in his final days that caused a very high fever for the pontiff. Nassau West, although non-religious, was deeply saddened to hear of John Paul's death. Zoey, in otherwise good health, will not likely die from her infection.

In other news, Terri Schiavo had passed away while the world helplessly watched. The official Nassau West position on the matter is that if it was determined that Ms. Schiavo really "wanted" to die, then she should have been euthanized, rather than painfully starved to death. Sometimes the justice system in America fails to do the right thing.

In regards to the trial in California versus Michael Jackson, the official position on that, according to President Bartram, "Fry the bastard! He damn sure better not get away with any more of this crap! Save the children, lock up the pervert!"

"Then," he continued, "go after all the previous prosecutors and court officers that let this man provide financial settlements to his victims rather than face prosecution. They could have stopped this more than ten years ago, but they didn't, and now there are more victims. Damn those people. They're supposed to defend the public, not offend the innocent!"