Tuesday, May 3, 2005 - Tonight the Nassau West National Security Council convened an emergency meeting after the mailroom delivered a bill for Nassau West President Kelly K. Bartram's hospital visit last month.

The bill for less than one hour's stay in the Benson Hospital's Emergency Room totaled $560.50, with full payment due within thirty days! The biggest portion of the bill, $320, was for the use of one of four small partitioned areas that comprise the "Emergency Room." President Bartram only sat on a small portion of the bed. For that price, he should have gotten to take it home!

The President's recent visit was on a Saturday night and due to extreme dental pain accompanied with a stronger than usual anxiety attack. During his stay, he was given an antibiotic by mouth, and given a shot in the "hip" of Demerol (50 ml), which at the time he thought was Percocet. That was about the extent of his visit.

As a parting gift, the hospital staff convinced Bartram that he should schedule an appointment with a hospital doctor, since he had no primary care physician of his own. The subsequent appointment a few days later cost $105, which is also due presently.

Prior to the emergency room excursion, Bartram had spent $640.10 at his local dentist. In the past month, the President's medical and dental bills have topped $1,300, most of which is due now. Also due or overdue are the Capitol mortgage payment, which is over $700; the payment on Nassau West One, which is $267.19; and a credit account payment.

In the very near future, a City of Benson utility payment of $55.32 will be due, as will the electric, phone, and cell phone payments. Additionally, there is now a second car to pay for, as well as insurance on both vehicles. This has caused quite the conundrum with the Department of the Treasury. The Treasury maintains that there are not, and will not be, enough funds to pay these debts any time soon.

As a result, the National Security Council voted unanimously to cancel all unnecessary spending including, but not limited to, the following: doctor visits, dentist visits, vet visits, optional travel, bar construction at the Spread Eagle Saloon, and all Capitol improvement expenditures.

After the special session, President Bartram attended a press conference and had this to say, "I am furious about the amount those bastards charged! That is so incredibly, if not criminally, ridiculous! I can guarantee that next time I'm in excruciating agony, I will think twice before going there again."

"As a Nassau West federal employee, one might think that I have health insurance to cover this type of thing. Well, that's not the case. The amount due is an excessive amount, and one I believe to be without merit or cause. They damn sure aren't going to get it all at once, that's for sure," he continued.

"I have an appointment with my dentist for May 12. That appointment is to be cancelled and not rescheduled. If he had been properly doing his job, he would have worked on a very obvious gum infection (the source of the pain) instead of having me commit to spending $442 to patch three minor cavities. Incompetent boob!"

"Right now, we're officially 'up a creek without a paddle!'" Bartram said. "We'll get through this. My July vacation has been cancelled. We're going to have to tighten up our belts a little, but we'll get through this one way or another. Just have some patience. We'll get through this," he concluded.