Friday, September 30, 2005 - Late this evening, Nassau West President Kelly K. Bartram ordered the Nassau West Military Service to organize in Tombstone tomorrow night for the purposes of discovering what problems people in the town have with the President.

Last weekend President Bartram stayed overnight in Tombstone, and as a few weeks ago, was invited to get into a donnybrook with a Tombstone local. He was requested by the bartender in charge at the time to leave the establishment so as not to get hurt.

Twice in as many months, Bartram has been asked to leave his location or face assault from a local of the town. Also twice, the President has suffered no trauma, other than a little embarrassment. He has called military personnel in to do reconnaissance of the town and its people.

As the reader may remember, in August the President was invited to "keep walking" by a man outside of a bar that stays open late in Tombstone. Bartram has since remedied that situation with the man and his wife, and they all realized after the fact that the whole situation was a great misunderstanding.

Bartram said he was quite relieved to have settled the quarrel from August, and then horrified to see a similar situation appearing right before his very eyes again last Saturday night. The President remembered talking to an individual in the same bar that went by the name "Froggy."

According to Bartram, he did not say (or least did not remember saying) anything that could have even remotely been construed as offensive to the man. Bartram did admit, "Maybe he was mad at me for being a smart ass? But, then again, no one gets their ass kicked for being a smart ass."

While doing a rather unscientific poll amongst his friends, the President learned that one may, indeed, find themselves in an altercation over unwanted sarcasm and wit. Apparently, it happens all the time. To this, Bartram said, "Well, I don't care. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!"

On Saturday night the Nassau West Military Service personnel will be conducting interviews with witnesses from last Saturday night, including the bartender, to determine if the President's memory might be playing tricks on him. As these evenings in Tombstone generally involve a generous amount of booze, Bartram's memory of the event may not be all that reliable.

The military will report their findings directly to the Nassau West Department of State to determine if more sanctions and/or embargoes against Tombstone are necessary. The State Department temporarily closed the Tombstone Embassy in August and put a nationwide boycott on Tombstone in August.

President Bartram, always hoping to not appear to be a coward, was quick to point out, "This crap only happens when I'm by myself. That guy, and his four friends, were bigger than me, and followed me out of the bar. Nothing happened, and nothing will."