Sunday, October 2, 2005 - As scheduled, the Nassau West Military Service (NWMS) performed a full inquiry into last weekend's presidential problems in Tombstone. At stake, more sanctions against "The Town Too Tough To Die."

Apparently, that is not to be the case. The NWMS reported the findings of their investigation to the Nassau West Department of State and to Nassau West President Kelly K. Bartram. The State Department, in return, issued new guidelines for behavior while in Tombstone.

NWMS personnel suited up and departed from the Capitol to Tombstone about 6:40 last night and arrived in Tombstone shortly after 7 PM. Their first stop was at Vogan's Alley Bar, where last weekend's altercation was located. The military interviewed the bartender that was on duty last weekend at the time of the turmoil.

According to Daymon, the bartender, President Bartram did get a bit out of line last weekend with a man that goes by the name "Froggy." The bartender said that while the President did not appear to be trying to be offensive, the things he said were obviously construed that way.

Daymon said that on several occasions he invited the man outside to "kick his (Bartram's) ass." This came as quite a surprise to the interviewers, not to mention the President. Bartram said, "I can't believe I said that once, let alone multiple times! I don't know what the hell got into me."

She said that she asked Bartram to leave the bar so she could calm the offended man down and explain that the President meant no offense by anything he said. The bartender also stated that she understood what Bartram was saying, but the Hispanic man didn't seem to take the President's remarks in the way that he meant them.

So, rather than imposing more sanctions on Tombstone, the State Department issued a mandate, mostly toward President Bartram. The suggestion made was for the President, or anyone else, not to talk to strangers in the bar, particularly near closing time, when everyone is pretty well inebriated.

Of the three times this type of incident has happened, all three times were either in or near Vogan's Alley Bar, which is nearly always the last bar to close in Tombstone. Two times aggressive situations have occurred inside the bar, and once just outside the bar.

In all of these events, the President was never harmed. Also in all of these events, Bartram was extremely intoxicated and has very little memory of the steps leading up to the fracas. Usually, the only price the President has paid for his big mouth is a big hangover.

Bartram is currently nursing a Category 3 hangover, Hangover 0510A, which is being tracked by the Nassau West National Hangover Center (NHC). This hangover is expected to remain a strong force until about 3 AM, when it is expected to dwindle away into obscurity.