Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - Today it was announced that the Nassau West Sheriff's Department has launched a formal investigation into this past weekend's drunken festivities enjoyed by Nassau West President Kelly K. Bartram.

According to preliminary information, President Bartram started out his Saturday as a relatively normal day. Somewhere around 2 PM things started to change for the worst.

The sales log of the Spread Eagle Saloon, inside the kbartram.com Arena, show that Bartram had three shots in rapid succession before departing aboard Nassau West One to Tombstone, AZ, with his sister, niece and nephew.

The group departed the Capitol and arrived in Tombstone about 3 PM. They stopped at Circle K and stocked up on local newspapers, one of which had a less than savory article about the President. Currently, the Nassau West Attorney General's Office is reviewing the story written by The Tombstone News.

After making their purchases and checking the President's post office box, they disembarked from Nassau West One, and split up. President Bartram went to the Dragoon Saloon and his family members went to the Tombstone Courthouse State Park.

While his family was at the Courthouse, Bartram drank three Bloody Marys. His family returned from the Courthouse, and they then went to the Helldorado Brewing Company, also in Tombstone. The President invited his nephew to a game of pool, which would give him adequate time to slam down a couple of beers.

So, at the conclusion of the billiards game, President Bartram ordered a growler (half-gallon jug) of very dark draft beer to go. While becoming rather inebriated at this time, he was unaware of it until much later. When the group returned to the Capitol, Bartram popped open the jug and poured a small glass for his sister.

Shortly thereafter, he proceeded to down the rest of the jug while watching the Blue Collar Comedy Tour with his nephew. At this point the story becomes a bit sketchy. According to witnesses, Bartram continued drinking shots of Jim Beam Whiskey after finishing his beer.

While the exact number of shots remains unknown, what is known, is that he definitely had enough. Oddly enough, the newspaper article mentioned said basically the same thing. It was about this time that things literally started falling apart.

During one of Bartram's falls, at least four documented, he fell face-first into his bathroom toilet paper roll hanger, which is now destroyed, and broke the fall with his face. He received a large scratch on the right side of his face and a good thump and bruise to his right temple.

In a subsequent fall, Bartram went over the railing outside the west entrance to the Capitol and landed back-first on the cactus garden. He was stabbed by several cactus thorns across his lower back. A large rash and swelling still remain.

He is known to have fallen at least two other times, once with a cat, which was not hurt in the fall. This ensuing hangover kept the Nassau West National Hangover Center busy for days. That hangover is the strongest and worst hangover ever known to have struck in Nassau West.