Didn't we just do this last year? It seems that Nassau West President Kelly K. Bartram is a major alcoholic. While some people can really put away the booze, Bartram, sadly, just can't seem the put the booze away. Enter the assistance of the Nassau West Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.

The BATF raided the Spread Eagle Saloon Thursday night to survey the damage allegedly resulting from a fit of drunken rage by Bartram in the early hours of Thursday morning. According to witnesses, President Bartram started drinking about 7:30 PM on Wednesday evening. He was drinking straight gin shots.

By about 10 PM, he reportedly had already had about six shots, which normally would be a full evening's drinking. However, after finishing one bottle of gin (which he doesn't even like), Bartram opened another, and continued on his unwise path.

At about 12:15 AM, the conditions became ripe for disaster, which is exactly what happened. According to an "ear witness," Bartram started yelling about the pending sale of the Capitol, which he is not happy about, and then things started getting broken.

The "ear witness" happens to be Nassau West Vice President Michael O'Brien, who was on a telephone call with the President at the time of the incident. O'Brien said that the President put down the phone while yelling, and then he heard things being thrown and glass breaking.

After an unspecified amount of time, the line fell silent, which caused a great deal of worry for O'Brien, who considered traveling to the Capitol to do a welfare check on Bartram. At some point after the destruction ceased, Bartram made it to bed, after vomiting twice.

At 9:24 AM on Thursday, Bartram woke up to the phone ringing. The phone had been left in the bar, where Bartram retrieved it. Moments later, his cell phone rang, it was Vice President O'Brien calling to check on Bartram, who had little recollection of the previous evening's amazingly bizarre behavior.

The astonished, and allegedly still quite inebriated, President collected himself and went ahead with his scheduled work day in Tucson, AZ. While there, he was informed that the Nassau West Marshal's Service would be arresting him and taking him into custody upon his return that evening.

As promised, the Marshal's Service delivered. With the President incarcerated, the BATF went into the Spread Eagle Saloon to estimate the damage and loss. The Nassau West Federal Insurance Corporation has also been dispatched to the scene.

The President will be formally indicted on a number of charges, some quite serious, Saturday afternoon. Bartram's arraignment is scheduled for 12:00 PM on Sunday in Nassau West Superior Court No. 7.